5 Signs You are Passively Aggressive to Someone and how to overcome it

Do you know what it means to be passive-aggressive? Leave here in the comments what you think

this is.  I'm pretty sure that you've already behaved like this with someone,

and don't worry because this is common and many people don't even realize when they do it.

Hey!  I'm Smart, and today I'm going to talk about 5

signs that someone is acting passive-aggressively towards you or that you are the

one doing it.  I'll also give you some tips towards the end on how to deal with these people.

A passive-aggressive behavior is one in which someone is aggressive,

but in a more indirect, ambiguous or subtle way than an overtly aggressive act,

like hitting your boss, for example. By choosing not to be so explicit, those who act in

this way are able to attack the other while minimizing the risk of suffering

punishment or having to confront the victim of their aggression directly.

There are several types of aggressive behavior that are more indirect or disguised and that

often go unnoticed.  Now I'm going to describe 5 common signs that you or

someone interacting with you is acting like this. 

One of the most basic signs is when the person

simply disappears from the map to avoid someone. In order not to have to express their annoyances,

the person stops answering messages or does not answer the phone of the person who irritated them.

There is often a huge inconsistency between what someone acting passive-aggressively

says and does.  For example, the person says that everything is fine and that they didn't get angry about something, when,

in fact, they got super, ultra, mega irritated. Instead of expressing this irritation directly

to the person who provoked this feeling, the individual may procrastinate tasks requested by someone as a form of revenge, act in a cynical, stubborn manner or play the sly.

Those who tend to act passive-aggressively are seen by many as difficult

to understand.  If, on the one hand, she is not openly hostile towards you, on the other hand,

she does unnecessary things just to get to you. Maybe she's even nice when she meets you,

but she loves to talk bad about you behind your back, omits information that would be relevant

to you and won't give up doing something that could harm you if she has the

opportunity, even just a little bit. 

Another classic sign is giving those pinpricks

to others.  Many do this through sarcasm, irony or humor in order to express some

discomfort, offend or discriminate against the person. If she gets irritated with the pinprick and complains

about it, then just trigger that famous one: "But why were you irritated? I was just kidding".

Those who act like this can oscillate between irritating the person with offensive insinuations and invalidating

any annoyance they feel under the pretext that they weren't being serious.  In this way,

the person manages to attack others and always have a plan B to defend himself in case someone gets irritated

with his passive-aggressive behavior. For example, during a couple's dinner,

one of the romantic partners might turn to the other and say, "I love it when you

make that angelic noise with your mouth while you eat, you know? It's music to my ears."  If

this creates a conflict, the author of the comment simply blames his partner

for taking it too seriously or apparently not being in a good mood that day.

The fifth sign that a person may be acting passive-aggressively is that they pretend to

comply with someone's request, but don't .  For example, you ask your partner

to clean the bathroom at your house. Instead of talking openly about how he

doesn't want to do it, he might wash the toilet very badly or pretend he forgot to wash to punish you for your request or so you don't want to ask him to do it again in the future.

While almost everyone has exhibited or will exhibit behaviors of this type, certain people are

much more likely to act in this way, such as those who have difficulty expressing

emotions or who avoid conflicts a lot. They don't necessarily do this with full

awareness of what they are doing.  Some don't perceive their passive-aggressive acts

as aggressive or even know what it means to be passive-aggressive.

Living with someone who often acts passive-aggressively can be very stressful in the medium and long term.  You're trying to understand why she exhibits certain

strange and unpleasant behaviors, but since she doesn't tend to

directly express what's really bothering her , it's all very confusing.

These passive-aggressive behaviors can be used to manipulate

someone's feelings and behaviors.  For example, an individual may remain silent for a long

time in front of his partner every time she does something that he is very displeased with.

When she asks the reason for the silence, he makes some excuse instead of saying the real reason.

By putting his partner in such an unpleasant situation, he manages to punish her for her

act and instills in her the feeling of guilt.  It is worth mentioning that this type of emotional blackmail can happen without the person being fully aware of what they are doing

and without that being their intention.  Now I'm going to give you some tips on how to deal with someone who acts like this.

Tip number 1: don't fall for their game.  If the person came all sarcastic to you, don't

react with more sarcasm or appeal with them, as this would make them defensive or more likely

to act like this when they want to provoke you. Instead, try to lead her into a

more direct, sincere and assertive conversation about what she has done and is feeling.  Ask things like:

"What are you trying to say with that? Do you want to talk to me about something that's bothering you?"

Tip number 2: let the person know which of their behaviors are inconvenient.  Even

if you do this in a calm and worldly way, she is likely to try to defend herself from everything or change the subject to avoid confrontation. Even so, this dialogue is worth trying.

Often, the person doesn't even know how passive-aggressive they are, and a conversation

like this can help them realize how unpleasant some of their actions are for others.

It's very complicated to deal with someone who is very passive-aggressive precisely because these

people almost always manage to avoid direct confrontations.  If you

try to dialogue more directly with the person one, two, three times and there is no progress,

perhaps the best option to preserve your mental health is to distance yourself from them.  It is

also worth mentioning that none of the examples I gave throughout the video is necessarily a

passive-aggressive act, this will always depend on the context.  For example, someone who stops responding to someone else's messages might do so because they were being harassed by

them and not just because they wanted to get back at them. 

Today I described 5 signs that someone is acting in a passive-aggressive way,

they being the following: disappearing from the map, having a big inconsistency between what they say and do,

being confused, constantly giving pinpricks and pretending to agree to comply with the request of  someone,

but not answer.  In the end, I gave some tips on how to deal with these people.

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